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Swooning for Swedes

November 18th, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments
.This one is for all the laydees out there who like themselves a bit of man hunk: promo photos of 1970s dance bands in Sweden. Even if we elect to make allowance for the gung-ho crazy fashions of the day and the ill-judged exuberance with which Scandinavia”s musical heart-throbs adopted these ““ and not only sartorially, but also in the domains of coiffure, facial hair and corrective eyewear ““ there were some dodgy-looking characters making Swedish audiences swoon back in the day. How did that nation ever manage to produce ABBA?

I am featuring here only a handful of photos which I found at this great page. Visit it to be exposed to many more horrors. And find more at svenskadansband.se.


The Schytts. No shit!


The band had to split when the other five guys just couldn”t score any groupies whenever Arvid “Elton” Gunnarson was laying on his funky game.


Algot (back left) did not mind when his old friend and rival Arvid scored all the groupies, because he was with the pioneer of heroin chic in front.


Experiments in amusing facial growth produced much hilarity among the lookers from Tre Blå & en Gul (a name which conjures the sound of a hearty vomit followed by a post-puke retch).


The Bay City Rollers never recovered from their trip to heady Sandviken. From left: Alan Longmuir, Eric Faulkner, Stuart “Woody” Wood, Leslie McKeown and Derek Longmuir. Rumours that Bill Bryson will play Woody in BCR ““ The Movie have not been confirmed.


“Kalle”s saxophone is fine. It”s Ingvar”s air guitar that hurts my ears.” Vogueing was never so much fun as it was in Karlsbad back in 1984.


One gust of wind, and the Scandinavians will take off to the skies. Wings courtesy of Ulla”s Hairsalon on Ulvaeusgatan in Uppsalla.


Dudes, the bra is worn under your blouses. The emergence of this photo at last solves the big mystery about Steve Buscemi”s lost years.


Magnus was sad after his sensible coiffure cost Tellus the Swedish Poptastic Hairstylings championship, losing in the final against Gert Jonnys. Andreas went on to become Sweden”s most popular Agnetha impersonator, and Benny proceeded to provide the mould for crinkle cut crisps.


Hampus and Thor were very annoyed when they realised that the other Sten-Ã…kes had stolen their hair.


While the geniuses in front are eying the lovely Inger, what is the bad uncle at the back perving at, and where is his hand going?


Ssshhhhh! Quiet! Can”t you see that Tommy Ferm is trying to get his sexiness together. Oh, but look at his stare, with the slightly raised eyebrow. He is hypnotising you. Look into his eyes. You know you want to have filthy, sweaty sex with seductive love god Tommy? You don”t want Arvid “Elton” Gunnarson now, do you? Not after seeing Tommy the Sex Engine. You want Tommy Ferm whose bedroom look”¦succeeded only in pulling Gold Wolf next to him.

* * *

And as we recover from this assemblage of bad taste and, let’s be honest, rank ugliness (sex deity Tommy Ferm apart, of course), let us visit, and in two instances, revisit some Swedish music.
The Hep Stars – Sunny Girl
1966 hit for the rather more successful forerunners of the Sten-Ã…kes, Tellus, the Zenits and their many sidekicks, of interest purely because of the presence of future Abba songwriter and keyboardist Benny Anderson. The Hep Stars were Sweden’s biggest band in the 1960s, and Sunny Girl one of their biggest hits (in fact, all four members of Abba were well-known, and all but Anni-Frid big stars in their homeland before forming the group that made them richer than any bail-out package).


Abba – Ring Ring (German version)
And talking of Benny Anderson, the German version of Ring Ring, an early Abba hit. I had thought of posting their Schlager number Wer Im Wartesaal Der Liebe Steht, but after inflicting the worrying gallery of hideousness above, that might have been overdoing the cheesiness a bit.


Harpo – Motorcycle Mama
And I will not accept any charges of Harpo being cheesy. The barefooted pop troubadour had some catchy numbers, though only the excellent Movie Star seems to be widely remembered. Poor Harpo’s career virtually ended when he sustained serious injuries after being kicked in the head by a horse (cue Dean Martin earworm).


Hello Saferide – 2008
I’ve been going on about Annika Norlin, aka Hello Saferide, for a long time. Her new album, More Modern Short Stories From Hello Saferide, which yielded this track, is more cohesive and less twee than her previous efforts, but lacks the killer tunes such as The Quiz or Get Sick Soon. 2008 (following on from her song 2006) is perhaps not even the best song off the album, but it’s the one that sticks in my mind. Visit Hello Saferide’s fine website, featuring a couple of free songs, all lyrics, a blog and more.

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  1. Lizzle-ba-Dizzle
    November 19th, 2008 at 06:24 | #1

    “Look into his eyes. You know you want to have filthy, sweaty sex with seductive love god Tommy.”Oh, good grief, I’m going to have nightmares now. Seriously. Tommy Ferm’s “sex eyes” are freaking me out. Thanks, Dude. :P

  2. jb
    November 19th, 2008 at 15:09 | #2

    This is the greatest post in the history of the Internet. Even the Internet knows it. The security word I am being asked to type in below before submitting this comment is “epugh.” E-pugh, indeed.

  3. caithiseach
    November 20th, 2008 at 07:31 | #3

    Oh, Dude, As amazing as your sense of humo(u)r is, you outdid yourself so far this time that I don’t think anyone should bother writing anything else. About any topic, funny or not. We can all take this one to the proverbial desert island and read it over and over. The photos are great, but your wickedness as a commentator is incomparable. Svenska flikor säga tusen tack för den Svenska män!

  4. ib
    November 20th, 2008 at 16:01 | #4

    Fuck me! What a collection of sheer horror! Man, you’ve done your homework on this one… 10/10

  5. Anonymous
    November 21st, 2008 at 01:01 | #5

    Hilarious!Reminds me of your remark, once, of James Brown looking like your ex mother-in-law (or was it your aunt?).:-D

  6. Lizzle-ba-Dizzle
    November 21st, 2008 at 03:01 | #6

    Kanadensiska flikor säga tusen tack att den Svenska män stannar i Sverige!We’re getting a family portrait done soon, and my mum wants us to dress “as a team” – all in one colour or something. I think we should dress like Gert Jonnys et al. OH, YEAH! Christmas colours and everything!!

  7. Dane
    November 22nd, 2008 at 05:32 | #7

    I don’t think I’ll ever get my libido back. There may be a lawsuit in this.

  8. billie
    November 27th, 2008 at 01:38 | #8

    The hubby may be wondering why I am snickering and laughing at the ‘puter screen at 7 in the morning.Major hilarity, Major Dude! Thanks.

  9. Eddie Energy
    November 30th, 2008 at 20:02 | #9

    For more cutting edge Swedish music go here! and follow the on screen instructions.Billie the Vision and the Dancers, one of the most enjoyable gigs this year in Leeds UKhttp://www.billiethevision.com/music.php

  10. Any major dude with half a heart
    November 30th, 2008 at 20:33 | #10

    Oh yes, absolutely. I love them, and bigged them up, with a link to the section on their site offering all their albums for free download in the post with my Groovy Grooves mix.

  11. ClaireA
    March 4th, 2011 at 12:50 | #11

    I nearly collapsed at the Tre Bla & Gul one:) Those sound effects…Thanks, made my day

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